Stupid is as stupid does

Forrest Gump, as played by Tom Hanks, was an unforgettable character. Even though supposedly slow-witted, he spoke words of wisdom...and sometimes drew wise words from others as they attempted to explain the cruel actions of unfeeling humans. The words shown in the title of this column were spoken by Forrest Gump's mom to explain such behaviour.

As I read about a recent incident, reported in the March 29 edition of the Halifax Chronicle Herald, the words...Stupid is as Stupid Does came to my mind.

A 44-year-old man from Lunenberg County lost his vehicle after being charged with a variety of offenses, including driving 76 km/h over the speed limit and driving while suspended.

In addition, this man – who can only be described as seriously lacking brain cells – actually passed other vehicles on a double-solid line on Highway 103 between Chester Basin and Mahone Bay while doing his “stunting” thing.

The Gump phrase fits this man perfectly. Stupid is as stupid does indicates that he can be judged by the stupid acts he seemed hell-bent on doing. I shudder to think what might have happened to any vehicle that might have been in the oncoming lane as he was moved to the other side of that double-solid line. At the speed of 176 km/h he would not have had control of his vehicle and any oncoming traffic would not have had any real opportunity to take defensive actions. There likely would not have been any survivors in the event of a collision.

This man had already lost his driver's license. It had been suspended indefinitely, yet that didn't prevent him from getting behind the wheel of a vehicle and put others at extreme risk. It was noted that the fine for stunting is $2,422.50 which would likely make somewhat of a dent in the man's bank account. Still, one has to wonder if a fine would deter someone who behaves in such a totally stupid manner.

A bit of jail time would certainly get this person off the streets...and protect the public. However, the current laws may not grant citizens that level of protection. Since this man's behaviour can only be viewed as stupid and mindless - even brainless - there may be another solution. It might be appropriate for the courts to require this fellow to hire a brain, since his seems to be non-functioning.

After having 44 years to get a grasp on maturity – and failing to do so – we can only assume he has very little chance of having a “light bulb” moment whereby brain cells go into action.

So...maybe a wise judge will require him to hire a brain, or brains. There are 24 hours in a day, therefore three people - each taking an eight-hour shift – could stay with this guy around the clock while doing his thinking for him. It would cost him a fair amount, even at minimum wage level.

Who knows, having to count out all those dollars into the hands of the rented brains might stir up his own grey matter to the level of functioning. That might be somewhat of a miracle...but miracles do happen.

Shirley Hallee’s column appears weekly in the Amherst News