The Birds and the Bees according to Bobby and Bob – (PART 1)
I went to school from Grades 1 to 3 at Mountain View Elementary School in Calgary. I grew up in a neighbourhood called Forest Lawn, and my home was about three blocks away from school.
On my first day of school in Grade-1 my mom told me about how the school bells work for recess and lunch, and that she would meet me home at lunchtime.
I got to school ok but what happened during recess was odd.
I remember being outside for recess and when I looked around I suddenly noticed none of the other kids were out in the schoolyard any more. I was all by myself.
I started to think that maybe everybody went home, so I walked home, but I thought it odd that nobody else was walking home.
When I got home the apartment was empty and I started to think that maybe everybody was back in my Grade 1 class. I walked back to school and peeked in the door and saw my entire class sitting at their desks.
I sort of panicked and shut the door and walked away but I managed to summon the courage to turn around and go into the class and explain to my teacher what had happened. She probably found it funny. I loved my Grade-1 teacher.
Anyway, when I was in Grade 1 one of my friends was Bobby, who was in Grade 2. It’s funny how we met.
One day in Grade 1 when I was walking home, about three other older boys decided to pick on me. I have no idea what I had done to provoke their rage. I think they were one year older than me, and while in the midst of my panic, and believing I was going to get beat up, Bobby walked up and asked what was going on. He talked to the other fellows, who seemed to be his friends, and convinced them to leave me alone. I thought he was a great guy.
Anyway, about a week later my mom and dad took me to a friend of theirs in the same apartment complex we lived in. I remember sitting in their living room, when in walked Bobby, the kid who saved me.
It turns out Bobby’s dad, his name was Punky, and my dad worked together at an oil refinery near Pincher Creek, Alberta.
Actually, one time my mom and me and Bobby’s mom, she was always really nice to me but I forget her name, drove together to Pincher Creek to pick them up for the weekend. When we got to the refinery they were nowhere to be found. We drove home and when we got home my dad was sleeping on the couch. My mom wasn’t impressed with the fact she’d just driven for six hours for nothing.
Anyway, my mom wasn’t the type to talk about the birds and the bees and facts of life or anything of that nature, and my dad always worked out of town, so he didn’t really have time to share his wisdom with me.
Actually, when I in junior high school I used to tease my mom by asking her when she was going to give me the talk about the fact of life. She’d just say, “If you want to know bad enough, I’ll get your uncle to give you the talk.”
I didn’t need my uncle to give me the talk because everything I needed to know I learned from people like Bobby.
As a matter of fact, I remember when I was in Grade 1 Bobby told me where babies came from. We were walking home from school and were about a third of the way home when he shared his wisdom with me.
I was totally confused and I think I asked him to repeat it a couple of times to make sure I heard him right. Even after he made it perfectly clear what he was talking about I still had a hard time believing him. It made no sense. I remember him saying something like, “well, where did you think you came from. Do you think you were delivered by a stork?”
I think I did believe that I was delivered by a stork but even as he said it I realized it was absurd to think a stork delivered me to my mom and dad.
I remember picturing a stork flying high in the sky with me in a white blanket and delivering me to my mom and dad, and that didn’t make any sense either.
It was a very confusing moment, maybe one of the most confusing moments of my life.
Anyway, my playlist song for Blog 10 is Hey Jude by the Beatles.
The reason I picked Hey Jude is because I always relate that song to statues in Calgary called “The Family of Man.”
The statues are of naked people and they stand outside the Calgary Board of Education.
The first time I saw the statues was when I was a little kid. My dad and me were in the car driving past them and Hey Jude was playing on the radio. Every time I hear Hey Jude I think of statues depicting a naked family.
Maybe if I paid more attention to the statues I wouldn’t have found what Bobby said about where babies come from so far fetched.
Here are the statues:
Here is Hey Jude by the Beatles.