Donut king sidelined

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My humiliation this morning was so complete, I just had to share it with the world wide web.

Some of you may recall I was trying to lose weight a while ago for a column in the paper. I managed to take off 20-plus pounds before I ran out of time. But I was supposed to keep slugging away on my own.

Well, a combination of inactivity and tasty donuts means I’ve been avoiding the weigh scale for weeks. But I don’t need to see a number to know what the mirror’s telling me: I’m fat.

In an effort to reverse the trend once again, I’ve been trying to smarten up my eating. That’s been a complete failure so far. The other thing I’ve been trying to do is get myself interested in exercise. To that end, I ordered a couple of exercise videos.

Here’s where it starts to get truly embarrassing: one of the DVDs is a Biggest Loser yoga video ( ).

I’m not going to apologize for an interest in yoga. I’m not the most relaxed person and I suspect a bit of yoga would be good for me mind and body. But a Biggest Loser yoga video is clearly very cheesy.

Fine. I’m fat, so I got a yoga show for fatties.

Last night I tried it out for the first time. All I did was the five minute warmup. Much of it involved nothing more strenuous than standing upright and breathing. I do that at least three or four times in a regular day, never mind when I’m “exercising”.

But this morning, my left hip was toast. It’s right in the joint: a clear ache that makes my leg feeble as soon as I try to bend it at all.

A couple of Advil have taken the edge off the soreness. But I’m still hobbling a bit – from the five minute yoga warmup on a video targeting sedentary fat people.

Awesome. Forty-one years old going on 90.

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